Ann and I are watching the premier of the Top Chef: Washington D.C.
We're live-blogging our thoughts, feelings, emotions.
9:04- Arnold...effeminate Asian male with flashy clothing. Stereotype check, good to go. Chefs look like they have a nice range of experience and accolades. Watch your feet. Angelo is dropping names...
9:06- Whoa, John...dreads are out of control! And Padma and Tom are getting things off quick. Padma's boobs are out of control...What up now, Gail!? First challenge is a mise en place speed test. For those that don't know, mise en place is every chef's setup...all ingredients they'll need for the evening, prepped and ready at hand. You can't function without it.
9:09- Bruinosse test. Kenny is quick. Destroys the chicken portion too.
9:11- Final four: Kenny, Angelo, Kevin and Timothy. They're taking the ingredients from their mise and making an entree. Kenny's duo of chicken looks promising...
9:18- Get that sponsor plug in, Padma! Angelo wins. Dish looked strong. Easy Kenny...little too early in the game to be a malcontent.
9:19- Final challenge is to cook in groups. Do their regional cuisine. Angelo and Kenny are fighting for who is alpha dog. I like it already.
9:21- 4 hours in Whole Foods.../coma. They enter the home. Gorgeous townhome. John...you are DEFINITELY from New Hampshire.
9:23- Ann: "I like how Angelo did potato noodles...that was inventive. John is funny hippie...I'm interested in what kind of Zen creations he concocts."
9:25- "Cyrus" looks like it could be funny...Ok, we're back and they're raiding Whole Foods. Ann - "I think Jacqueline, who is a caterer and should know how to make food for 300 people, is being set up for the epic fail, based on the way they're editing it."
9:27- Alex doing borscht...bold choice. Is bold the right word? Amanda trying her best to not seem like the "girl who sliced her palm open"...we're not that convinced. Angelo doing a arctic char with a smoked bacon froth. Sign me up. John is from Michigan??!!
9:30 - Kenny doing trout with black bean mole. Tasty. John doing a dessert, which he quickly effs up. Time's up! Quite the space they're catering. Huge hall. Jacqueline's chicken liver terrine looks like shit, and she's freaking. Cover it up, babe!
9:32- Padma's boobs will need a plate too! Holy lord... Ann - "Ooooh, Eric Ripert...so dreamy." Amanda doing a neo-classical California plate of snapper carpaccio...Ann calls it "sea-barf"...pretty accurate. She needs to work on her plating, big time. Kevin's lamb looks solid. Jacqueline's pate gets a thumbs down from Ripert. You're dead, lady.
9:38- Kenny's trout and mole looks like the standout in this group. Alex doing a deconstructed borscht. Guess he did go bold. We both hate beets but that looked good. Tim's fish is too big.
9:41- John...I'm guessing you run naked amongst the maple trees in Michigan too. Winners of the Quickfire are being brought out for the final judges table, aside from Alex. Angelo wins again. Definitely setting the pace. John, Tim, Jacqueline and Stephen are the losers. Our money is on Jacqueline.
9:46- Stephen's ribeye called chicken nuggets by Ripert...ouch. Jacqueline is getting grilled by Tom. John says "bringing mousse to your mouth" and I feel dirty. "I guess I was being stupid"...wrong thing to say. Tim's fish is chewy but is saying the right things. He fell the furthest, which could really hurt them.
9:49- Judges have decided...Ann- "I think it's John. It was...nothing. I would have made a better dessert. It's way too pedestrian. Jacqueline had a good idea, Stephen had a good story, and Tim's mistake with the skin were minor errors. John failed on execution and taste." I agree. John looks like he could get the axe here pretty quick, although from a pure entertainment standpoint, I kind of want to see what insanity he would bring. Jacqueline is my 2nd choice for the cut.
9:52- Loosen up people. "I'm here to cook"...No, you're not. If you're were anywhere to cook, you'd be in your kitchen in your restaurant, making food for your customers. You're here to be on TV, get a better gig from all the restaurateurs that are watching. Don't fake the funk. Ann "And if I was a restaurateur, I wouldn't take anyone that didn't let loose and have fun...if you're not a joyful person, your food probably isn't joyful either." Definitely. Good we're gross, agreeing about everything.
9:56- Ann "Boobies, boobies, boobies..." Clearly, we're both fixated on Padma's chesticles... John is OUT. A Beard award nominee, out the door. John getting emotional. Bummer. Tony Bourdain and Buzz Aldrin, at the same table in the previews...too much awesomeness all at the same table, says Ann.
Final thoughts: Ann - "I think it'll be an interesting year. I like Angelo...he talked a big game, but backed it up. I like go-getters and people who are confident. Angelo and Alex's dishes standout because they were memorable and creative. The deconstructed borscht and Angelo's bacon froth with arctic char were great dishes. Everyone else may have done a well-seasoned and well-cooked steak and vegetables but come on, they were steak and vegetables. This was an opportunity to be creative and ballsy and many folks played it safe. I don't remember what many of the others made and they had lost their moment to shine early on."